My mother has cancer.
I know that probably doesn’t mean much to you. Cancer is a topic that gets thrown around frequently, but it doesn’t really make an impact until you meet with it face to face on a certain level. Or maybe you already have, or you know someone who has. Either way, it casts a heavy air and can strike at varying degrees, but as I’m writing this on Mother’s Day, I felt I needed to release some of my plaguing thoughts.
I am someone with a heart so big that I have an overwhelming tendency of internalizing other people’s feelings and experiences, so as a protective barrier, I’ve developed long ago this skill of compartmentalizing my feelings. And when I found out about my mum’s cancer, I simply filed those feelings away in a cabinet buried deep within my brain. I thought that if I didn’t dwell on them, and if I kept my distance, I wouldn’t feel as impacted by the ordeal. After all, we’re on opposite ends of the country, so distance alone dulled the trauma. For me, at least.